Tag Archives: life

Chemical Reaction

A to Z Letters

(Today’s blog post is part of the Blogging From A to Z Challenge during which writers all over the world blog each day in April based on a corresponding letter of the alphabet.  These are my personal stories about living with Trigeminal Neuralgia, the most painful diagnosis known to man.)

Let’s talk about drugs.  I take ’em.  Lots and lots to be honest.  I have so many chemicals flowing through my veins I’m surprised there’s still room for blood.  And the worst part is that they have absolutely no entertainment value whatsoever.  There was a time when I imbibed of certain substances strictly for recreational purposes, but those days are long gone.

Each morning I dole out my first rounds of meds for the day: 4 blue ones, 7 white, a pink and a yellow.  About half of these are prescriptions while the other half are supplements I take to counter the side effects.  I have three rounds of meds daily, although the contents do vary based on the time.

The meds I take don’t work wonders, they just serve to make me somewhat functional to get through the day.  And they have downsides including, but not limited to, sleepiness, weight gain, memory loss and a condition known to users as “drug fog”.  Oh, yeah, and there’s the little issue of the drugs becoming toxic to your system or blowing up my liver or kidneys to consider.

Here’s the thing though…if I had diabetes or a thyroid condition or many other chronic illnesses, I could wave my pharmaceutical flag high and receive no negative reaction.  But I don’t have one of those conditions.  You see, there are many people – some even in the medical community – who view people with chronic pain as “drug shoppers” due to the epidemic of narcotic addicts in this country.  These individuals go from doctor to doctor to emergency room looking to score.   Meanwhile, I could pop Vicodin like tick tacks and it wouldn’t do a thing (although they do work for others with my condition).  I understand the conundrum but I still hate the stigma.

I have one of those day-of-the-week pill holders.  Actually, I need more than one.  If people are coming over or if I’m traveling, I make sure that they are well hidden.  I don’t want the judgement verbal or otherwise from people when they see how many drugs I need,  even though I take them responsibly.  I find it ironic that back in the days when I did use a variety of illegal drugs to purposefully alter my normal state I felt no sense a shame.  Yet now that I take medication to help me feel at least slightly normal, I feel like I have to keep it a secret.


Why My Blog Is Destined To Fail

This is only my second blog entry and I realized that neither my writing style nor my subject matter is destined to create a “must see” blog within the blogosphere.  I’m not even sure if anyone uses the term blogosphere.  Worse, after doing a little research, I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing I write about will garner me any success in this medium.  I believe it so strongly that I came up with reasons why my blog will never gain traction. Consider this my own take on “how not to blog”.  I won’t list them all, as there are many, but feel free to provide any additional reasons why I will crash and burn.  I appreciate positive reinforcement even if it is negative.

I Won’t Blog About Blogging

While doing my extensive reading of various blogs, I’ve noticed that a lot of people are blogging about blogs.  What makes a successful blog.  What to blog about.  How to create a blog that will promote your other, more important blog.  While I’m sure these have value, the volume of  blogs about blogging confuses me.  There’s just so many of them,  I’m sure many of these are written by experts, and I mean no disrespect, but at this point, hasn’t it all been said?  Me?  I’m no expert.  I won’t be imparting any blog wisdom and what I will write about may only be of interest to the small group of people who actually know me – and even that is wishful thinking.

I Can’t Teach You To Be Happy, A Better Parent, Or How To Make Cupcakes Look Like Bunnies By Using Nilla Wafers And Gumdrops

Okay, here’s the deal.  I’m pushing fifty.  I’ve had my share of heartache, tragedy and good times.  I have no kids, am post-menopausal, have PTSD and depression, and a medical condition that causes constant vertigo.  I’m hanging on by a thread here. Many blogs I’ve read are about self-improvement.  How to make yourself happier, smarter, more successful, healthy.  Personally, I think most of us know the answers to many of those questions and no matter how much we read about it, it doesn’t mean shit unless we get off our own asses and do something.  Sure, there may be a momentary boost to our motivation after reading something that reinforces what we already know, but it’s a safe bet that many of us are back to having the same old problems by the next morning.  Will I talk about events in my life that have formed me, impacted me and how I coped?  Of course.  I’m a writer who doesn’t have that active an imagination.  Writing about my life comes easy.  Maybe you’ll glean something from my writing, I don’t know.  But don’t look for me to be instructional.  Sure, I’m good at some things.  I can find an internet bargain on designer handbags. My penmanship is nice, although that won’t get me anywhere online.  I’m a good cook.  And although I could tell you how to make the world’s best butter cookie, I’m hesitant to divulge my secret.  Hell, those cookies are one of the best things I’ve got going for me. But, I’ll give you a hint: the secret ingredient is butter.

I Have A Short Attention Span

At any given time, I probably have about four trains of thought rumbling through my head, all chugging along to the beat of whatever song is also swirling around my noggin.  Since this blog isn’t a linear story, I anticipate that it will veer dramatically from fashion to elephants to the time my mother believed she was Christopher Columbus.  Not a reincarnation – the actual man.  People who actually know me have long figured out that when it comes to telling a story, I take the long way home.  And I am a girl with an eye for anything shiny.  I may find myself in the midst of writing, then see a butterfly outside my window and become hopelessly distrac…

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  So, I suppose the point is, my writing may have no point.  Do I hope some people find it entertaining?  Yes, of course I do.  Would it thrill me to have someone come back for a second look?  Absolutely.  Am I planning on seeing my blog listed among those blogs that many bloggers blog about?  Nope, not at all.  But, I’m going to give it a try anyway.

Thanks for stopping by.  Until next time~