A to Z Letter R

(Today’s blog post is part of the Blogging From A to Z Challenge during which writers all over the world blog each day in April based on a corresponding letter of the alphabet.  These are my personal stories about living with Trigeminal Neuralgia, the most painful diagnosis known to man.)

“Re-mi-sion.”  For some reason every time I hear that word, I hear it as being sung like the credits for “The Simpsons”.  Odder still is that when I hear “Trigeminal Neuralgia” I often hear it as being voiced by Peter Griffin of “Family Guy”.   Clearly I need to up the sophistication level of my TV viewing.

But enough about my quirks.  Remission.  Something that is unattainable for some, but desired by all who have TN.  The truth is, absolute cures are few and far between, but remission is a possibility.  Sometime it lasts for a short period of time and sometimes it lasts for months or even years.  The longest I’ve gone without any pain is probably about six months.  My current “flare” is going on a year and a half.  Eighteen months with non-stop, eye wincing, life altering pain.

But there is  hope.  There’s a woman who went into remission after having an eight-year flare.  Now that’s someone who earned her remission.  And although I am kind of a cynical person, I believe it can happen to me.  I’m not sure how, but it can – no it will – happen for me.

The only thing is…I’m not sure if I’ll know when I’m in remission.  I do have a good day here and there, but I’m gonna have to have a solid chunk of goodness before I start doing the happy dance.  Plus there will always be the lingering shadow knowing that TN, insidious as it is, will always rear it’s painful face again. And in a weird way, I’ve come to know myself as a person living with TN, so it will be hard to get accustomed to the “renewed and improved me”.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait for the day when I look out my window and the sky looks kind of cartoony with big, puffy, child-like clouds.  And then I’ll hear it…the choir of angels and/or cartoon people singing, “Re-mi-sion”.

And when the remission ends, I will utter the one word that seems most appropriate, “D’oh!”


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